I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will be naked everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
