we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
