Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
