every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
