Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
