I don't usually arrange sex via text message
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
