oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
