apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
