Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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