I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Are we still banned from the library?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
