Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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