If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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