So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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