i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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