i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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