great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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