Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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