four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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