she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
