You're my little dorito
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
