And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
