shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
where are my eyebrows?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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