I love black thongs
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
