Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
