4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
