I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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