We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
