the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
