I think I won the penis lottery.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
