Do you still have your period?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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