Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
