6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
