Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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