My underwear smells like fireworks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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