I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
