Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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