I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
