after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
