if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
