When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize