Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
