I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
