Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
