Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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