he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
