I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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