I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
