I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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