I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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