marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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