Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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