Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
