Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
