she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
