meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
