; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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