Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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