Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
