he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
