I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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