plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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