You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
