im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
