Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
