Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
