Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
