Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
